Orgasmus olimpic games

Erasmus is a period of exaggerated emotions and urges. That's a fact. You are far from home, far from friends and lovers... and there is a temptation to take advantage of that! There are people who make the best of it and some who just go with the flow and sometimes wake up somewhere they would never like to be found. Let's find out which of them are you - just take our psycho-test!


1. Did it happen to you to wake up next to somebody whose name you didn't remember?
a. Yes of course - remembering the name of somebody you are not going to see ever again is a waste of energy!
b.  Yes, but I try to make it up to her/him with a proper date (even though she/he was not especially a synonym of beauty)
c. No! I sleep only in my own bed with my teddy bear, mummy gave me at the age of 6.

2. Are you meeting somebody just because you need something particular of her/him?
a. Does moving in with her/him in order not to pay rent count?
b. Only to make us both happy (like sleeping together in her/his flat to avoid my turn of cleaning the flat).
c. What do you mean? I am not meeting anyone- I am here to study!

3. How many people are you seeing at the same time?
a. Are there limits? I didn't realise...
b. Just one. it may be temporary but it's facebook official!
c. My room-mates, my professors... that would be around 20?



MOST ANSWERS: A - You got just right!

Erasmus is not about commitments and you seem to know it! Just try not to get pregnant or engaged (!). Save your money for protection- condoms seem to cost more then alcohol. Be careful when you want to get laid with two girls/boys who are friends or room- mates. They might spread the news about your performance in bed and you will never get laid again!


MOST ANSWERS: B - You got it all wrong!

Do you really believe that you can have a relationship just for 3 months? And then come back home like nothing happened? We are terribly sorry but that happens only in movies.  There are two options: you either fooling yourself or somebody will cry soon. Unless you are ready to stay here forever and become an italian mamma/ mercato fish seller... RUN!!!

MOST ANSWERS: C - Just go home...

You are officially lost. We have no advice for you. 

 
 xo xo

Elite?

In every society there is a group that think is better than others. Among the Erasmus students it's even more visible since we are not such a big community. They walk around with their heads up and give everyone scornful, depreciating looks...
We've been observing them for a while... You want people to hate you? Here is what it gets!

1. Get yourself a team
It's only funny if are in the group. Preferably a group of your own nationals so that nobody could understand your inside jokes. Not too many people though - ask people to write prior written request in order to join the group. It's called prestige.

2. Have perspectives
You can't just be a student. You need to be a student of a perspective faculty. The one that gives you the right ask other people "And what are you going to do after this studies?". Ask that question a lot by the way. Don't let people forget you are the future of Europe.

3. Posh location
You can only look at people with despise if you live in a luxurious apartment. No dormitories or joined spaces. Walk around telling everybody how awesome your apartment is. Stress it out at every occasion. Even if it's not true. You will never have guests to check this out.

4. Festa!
Make a party. Make sure everybody knows you organise it. Invite only chosen people. Make it a secret. Let the rest know they were not chosen. Make posed photos showing how much fun it was (even if you were just eating cookies over a poor tv series). Publish them on facebook [Elite bitches!]

5. Express your hate
Remember- you hate everyone. You have everything. You hate your homeland and the one you are currently in. You hate the weather there and the weather here even more. You hate locals and your own nationals. You can have at maximum ONE thing you like (your hair/ coffee/ new shoes/A bar). Never smile.

That's it - you are there! Congratulations!

 / complaints and claims if people actually start hating you will not be accepted by the editors/

How to be more Italian than Italians?

Have you ever heard two Italians talking?



Would you like to sound like them? A lot of Erasmus students think that after some time in the foreign country they should pretend to be local inhabitants. It's nice, nobody denies. Some tourists ask you for directions or information about the city and you know the answer! But the key is to talk in the proper manner!

Firstly - try to sing while talking. It's not easy, but while speaking try to imagine that you are Madonna or Justin Timberlake. No deep voices, even if you are a man. It has to sound soft....

Then start using your hands. Hands for speaking?- some of you may want to ask? Here in the south they still need to help themselves with gestures, so try to make it easier for them. Just remember you are not getting rid of a fly- these are still humans you are talking to! Here are some useful signs to practice in front of the mirror. One per day and soon you will be a half- blood Italian!

xo xo
p.

When you are finally there...

Sooo... You finally found your perfect destination? The next step would be to consider where actually you are going to live. Believe me it's not very easy.

First of all, prepare yourself for lots and lots of compromises. ( I know.....) No, stop here. Let's start again... it's not that hard to find a great place to live, but the way you do this depends only on you. The first days of your stay are going to be decisive on your entire Erasmus. There are several options to choose from.

e.g. ONE

Make a booking in the most common and the cheapest hostel in your choosen city. This proposition is only for people who aren't afraid to meet new, usually crazy and strange people though. Staying in a hostel will bring you the best possibility to meet your future flatmates and to set up flat searchings.

It would be a good idea to choose people who can at least communicate with you. Make a simple test starting a conversation in English and check if the potential room-mate knows how to introduce himself (it's not always obvious if he's for e.g. Spanish).

Once you have an acceptable flatmate, start looking together for a flat. Check the Internet, ask for help young guys smiling to you every day nearby your hostel ( yes, they smile as nicely to handsome boys as to attractive girls) and accept help from your tutor (even the worst one.. :P).

Conditions in the hostel for sure will help you decide to rent sth as soon as possible. Choose a flat close to both the bars/ clubs and the university (or else you may never get there), available for your wallet and try not to destroy it too much, unless you don't care about getting back your deposit.

e.g. TWO

Apply for a place in some dormitory...  (it's not necessary to stay there for always, even if it's written down somewhere; remember that you can always escape from there...)





e.g. THREE

As described in the last note (How to avoid....): find yourself a foreign lover (it would be best if your were a girl).

e.g. FOUR

You can also stay in a hotel for some weeks, waiting for a miracle and expecting a flat with royal conditions like in Rome or Paris. In that case (especially if you can't speak the local language) don't forget to find yourself someone to help you. Preferably someone driving his own car.


Anyway, open your mind for the new flat experience! Don't lose your great imagination (this little bugs in the kitchen are not cockroaches ^^) and forget about your cosy room in your country. It always could have been worse!

How to avoid the annoying process of finding accomodation?

That’s easy and has been known to happen!
1)  Go to the city of your dreams a year (or even more) before Erasmus studies, 2) meet a handsome local inhabitant and 3) devote yourself completely to the new love. When the time of your Erasmus comes your only task will be to choose a colour of hangings or other pleasant stuff while your Italian Spanish/French lover will do all the work for you. With a bit of luck you can also make a use of your boyfriend’s generous family who can bring further benefits. Supply of food, household equipment like a vacuum cleaner or an invitation for a dinner every Sunday – sounds great, doesn't it?

Choose this option and enjoy your Erasmus without worrying about anything!

How to deal with (so called) tutors?

You have met your tutor? Consider yourself lucky- some of them are just virtual figures that never come out to the daylight. But if you were one of the chosen ones that had the opportunity to met one of the great ESN/ AEGEE members it was surely one of the following types:

Type 1: Ghost

As mentioned before- exist only on paper (or more often on facebook). 

Tip: Search for a substitute, preferably a girl who can fall in love with you.

Type 2: The mummy/daddy

One of the endangered species- they actually seem to care about their Erasmus protégés. You can find them on the airports, carrying someone’s bag or looking through the newspapers ads for a flat for their foreign friends. 

Tip: Use as much as possible - it may end soon. Nobody can visit 20 flats with you and still don’t hate you.

Type 3: The helper

Ohh yeah, he will help you… He will take you to parties, show you nice pubs and cafeterias, get to know you with his friends and drink with you. And in the morning he will drive you home and wish you good night. As long as a goodnight kisses are included. Or there is at least still hope for that. 

Tip: Use as much as possible as long as he is not the ugliest person in the world.

Conclusions: Even the buses on Sicily are more reliable then a tutor. START COUNTING ON YOURSELF!

Finding your destined destination

If you are or were thinking of becoming Erasmus student the problem of choosing the right destination has surely occurred to you. Unless you are in love with a guy from a foreign city and were forever sure where you want to go for you Erasmus studies, the choice might be difficult. Actually no - the choice might seem to be difficult.

First consider if you know a foreign language - that should delimit your options. You don't? Hmmm, unless you are Spanish  please stay at home. If you are Spanish - we have noticed that your nation seems to be able to communicate with everyone just with the body language. Although it remains a great mystery to me how you manage to complete courses and exams...

Okey, let's assume for a while you know English. Well, unless you are Spanish (again) and can receive a bag full of money for your scholarship, half of the Europe may be a financial challenge. You must remember that being Erasmus student binds you to party almost every day (yes, sorry. we will discuss this later) so a certain amount of money is ESSENTIAL. Otherwise you are just a sad, invisible girl from a dormitory who eats dinners at the canteen everyday and who nobody knows. Concluding: 1) check how much the shots cost in the city of your dreams, 2) get depressed, 3) revise your ideas,  4) choose Kiev. Oh, wait that's not EU. Poland then maybe?

Finally face the truth - cold places are not cool. You don't participate Erasmus to walk in a winter coat, big fury hut and ride a reindeer. It's funny when it's warm, sunny and you can put on facebook photos made on the beach. After all making your friends jealous it's one of Erasmus student's duties.


Trick No 1: Find and study a real map of EU. / Tip: is is not this one:

NOT REAL MAP OF EUROPE

Welcome to the unreal world

Due to the fact that we were talking and talking about how everything is unreal when you are an Erasmus student, the decision to write it all down has finally been made.

We imagine that our readers would be either students who are thinking of Erasmus (meaning: have absolutely no idea how it is going to look like) or are already abroad. The second group can be basically divided into to subcategories: 1) people who fall in love while being Erasmus student or worse who actually came here to study (meaning: got it all wrong and some professional guidance may save their lives) or 2) people who think they are way better than all that walking around with a fake "Prada" bag bought on the local market (in this case all efforts may be pointless..).

Therefore we advice to take our notes with a doze of self criticism - you never know if you are not in some serious trouble.

xo xo
p.